How does it feel to be in prison? That could be a good question or a dumb question. I could easily say it feels bad or come to prison and find out, but I'm not. The feeling of being in prison various depending on how you got caught and you was sentenced. Were you set up? Were you snitched on or were you just caught on a humbug. Personally I was set up and snitched on. So for me being in prison is painful both physically and emotionally. I don't care if your an adult or a teenager. Prison builds revenge, anger, aggresivness and a I dont give a damn attitude. Remember the movie Heat starring Alpachino and Robert Dinero? The scene where they were in a restaurant talking about doing scores(robbing banks) and doing time in prison. After a brief conversation about Robert Dinero's time in prison, Alpachino stated that dinero should quit while he's ahead because doing scores was going to land him back in prison. Dinero felt dis respected by that statement and told Alpachino that "my job is to do scores and your job is to catch guys like me that do scores and you dont have to worry about catching me because I aint never going back to prison." I felt Dinero at that moment. The revenge, anger, and aggressiveness inside him would not allow a statement like that made toward him without responding to it the way he did. If you can recall their conversation, Dinero did 9 year flat, three of it in the hole. You can be sure that the hole is where he developed that i don't give a damn attitude because the hole will make or brake you if you stay in there long enough. I personally have done about 18 months in a hole and about 2 and half years on lock down (confined to your cell 24 hours a day). the only difference about being in the hole and confined to your cell is that the hole is a little dark. Have you ever seen a serious prison movie such as American me or Shaw Shank Redemption, Etc? What was it about those movies that you didn't like? What did you like about them? I you had to be one of the prisoners in the movie which one would it be? I can guess that you don't like prison movies or you would rather die than be one of those prisoners in the movie. You are now feeling part of what it feels like to be in prison. According to several inmates there are three things guards do that causes uncomfort ness, anger, aggression and wanting revenge. One of these four things can cause you not to want visits as it did me for many years. And there is nothing you can do about it. But before I tell you about them I want you to think about something. Think back to September 11th one of the most tragic days in American history. Where wer you when you first heard of the Towers being hit by jets? Remember what it looked like when the second jet crashed into the south towers? How did you feel as you watched those towers in flames as people were jumping out of those towers to their death? Then the Towers came crashing down. What were your feelings as you watched and listened to the news reports throughout the day and evening? Disbelief, grief, anger, fear, aggression and wanting revenge were probably just a few of the emotions you experienced. What could you have done? Nothing. Because you were as helpless as the rest of us who watched that devastating event. Thats part of how it feels being in prison. Now I am not comparing September 11th with being in prison because that no comparison. But the grief, anger and wanting revenge that you felt is what we feel when these three things happen to us in prison. First there is a strip search. And inmate can be strip searched at any time. He or she doesn't have to do anything at all. If a correctional officer (CO) wants to strip search an inmate he or she doesn't have to have a reason. An inmate could be doing nothing at all, on his way to work, hospital, or law library and he could be give a direct order to step into and room and told to remove all clothing, turn around and open his ass, squat and cough, turn back around and lift up his balls. then they watch you put on our clothes as if they've missed something. Some of these CO's are gay. No inmate in his right mind doesn't feel angry and violated after a strip search. No inmate in his right mind wants another man looking at his body in various ways especially if the CO is gay and the inmate isn't. I've even seen a gay inmate angry because he got strip searched. If an inmate refuses a a strip search he will be taken to the hole and wrote up. Second, the inmate has to be strip searched going to and from visit. No inmate has been able to figure out the reason for being strip searched going to a visit. I've personally asked a CO in 2006, what is the purpose of being strip searched going to visit and his response was "its just procedure" I dont know why". What in hell can we take to the visiting room that our visitors want. Especially if its in our asses. We inmates understand being strip searched coming from visit because you do have inmates that bring drugs from visit in there asses. This is what kept me from going on visits since 1994 when I got my first visit. I was 23 then and that was one of the worse feeling I have ever felt. So I decided not to have nay more visits even though I could be strip searched at anytime. I felt like one lees strip search the easier my time would be. In 2005 my little sister who was in elementary looked me up on the internet, contacted me and wanted to come see me. In 2006 I decided to suck it up and go on my second visit in twelve years. I went through the same strip search procedure. This is when I asked the CO, what is the purpose of being strip searched going to visit. During that visit my sister and I had good conversation about both sides of our families and the free world. But I just couldn't get it off my mind that when this visit is over, I have to go through another strip searched. Also, inmates have to be strip searched every time they leave and arrive at another prison. Third there is a random and suspect urinal test. Random means it just your time to test. Suspect means that CO's believe you've been using drugs because an inmate snitched you out. When we take these test, they look at our penis while we are pissing in a cup for what? We dont know. But what we do know is that these types of things are humiliating and embarrassing. These things we go through along with being away from our loved ones is very uncomfortable and it gets worse. This is just part of it. Inmates that come back and forth from prison and are content with being behind bars are called Jail Birds. Being away from there loved ones is not a issue to them. Me I call myself twenty twenty because the Judge gave me a release date of 2020 and 20 years running concurrent back in 1993. I am a first time offender. This is my first and last time I'll ever be in this situation. Don't believe me? Come to prison and find out for yourself.
Twenty Twenty
1 comment:
Nice blog you havee
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